When I became a father I thought it was natural to love your children and parenting was easy.  When I married my wife I believed that marriage was simple, just love one another.  Naivety at its best.

What I didn't realize was how deceived I had been.  There is nothing  easy about parenting and the only simple thing to do in a marriage is ruin it.

Sitting down with my wife and two of our three sons around the kitchen table this Christmas holidays we pulled out one of my past Christmas gifts, Settlers of Catan.  A simple board game that takes longer than checkers and requires something of everyone around the table, attention.

What I was hoping for was a a little family time, a way to check off my list that we had done something together.  You know, something easy and simple.

What I received was far, far more.  I learnt the valuable lesson of attention to the now.  "Wherever you are, be there" is how Joshua Gagnon puts it.

Like so many fathers and husbands I allow myself to slip into a "here, but not" home life.  I permit myself to be present but absent.  Like an alcoholic, my family can feel like it never gets to be with the real me because I am buried under whatever it is that is consuming me at that moment.  I have allowed myself to often to become distracted by everything and anything, allowing my children to learn the great discipline of being absolutely undisciplined in the use of the most fragile of gifts that we all receive, time.

Settlers of Catan lay in front of me and in the most discrete way it claimed my attention  for an hour.  In the second hour, my wife and children had claimed that attention.  It was in the moments afterwards that I reflected on the past decade of marriage and fatherhood and saw a great need for change.  I need to pay attention to the now.  I need to be wherever I am.

These are three initial things I have decided to do in order to pay attention to the now:

  1. Put away the cellphone!  I keep it in my pocket or better yet on the fridge or the book shelf in our front room.  It is the number one distraction of my time with my family and needs to be put in its place - literally.
  2. Limit screen time.  We focus on cellphones but screen time means all screens - television, computer, IPad's, cellphones, etc.  I made a conscious effort to limit my time considerably and just last night my oldest son says, "Dad I didn't spend any time on the IPad today, weird eh?!".  Our children will do what we do before they do what we say.  Amazing!
  3. Spend considerable time in the Bible and in prayer.  The more time I spend in God's word the more time I feel like I have to expend.  Time spent with God is always well spent and who better to keep me on track with my time and attention than the Lord.

This is a journey that I am on.  Taking back moments potentially stolen by undisciplined behaviour and investing them in what matters most, relationships.  Relationship with God and relationship with my wife and boys.